i spent the better part of my life idolizing people.
I’ve placed high hopes in people, places , experiences and things that,
when the reality came to,
never quite met my satisfaction half way.
I felt a “void in my heart” for so long for thinking that there was something missing.
That somehow, some outside force was going to come in and
fill the void.
But that's impossible.
Nothing can fill the void
except you.
You Yourself are “The One”.
Realize this.
You are the one.
There is no “the one ” because the one is you.
You are the one who gets to decide.
You are the one who applies meaning.
You are the one who chooses to believe.
To believe in something
which in reality isn’t always what you imagine it to be.
So you place too much emphasis on the thing
and you give it too much importance
and it starts to build up
having succumbed to your passions,
you no longer see the thing for what it really is…
Because you’re so focused on the leaf that you miss the tree,
you slowly begin to lose yourself.
Then, when the day finally arrives
and the veil comes off
(because it always does)
you see it for what it really is,
and you are let down every single time.
Every. Single. Time.
It’s not like the movies man.
People are full of shit just like you.
They have their own demons,
weaknesses, hopes and dreams.
We all just want to be okay.
But thinking that someone is going to come in
and make you okay for you
is a FALLACY!
You have to make yourself be okay!
No one else will!
They were never my saviours and I finally realize that now.
Growing up with the Rom-Com conditioning, ALL THE DISNEY BULLSHIT
and the shackles of righteousness from religion.
I was so naïve.
All of that shit
when you think about it
is really just lust disguised as love.
A perverse unwavering desire for someone.
Real love isn't like that.
I’ve watched my old folks be married for 25 years
and fuck me that's a lot of time to put up with someone.
Because that's ultimately what you do.
You settle for who you settle with.
And you tolerate them for however many years.
Then one of you goes first, followed by the other.
A whole person, who’s shit like you.
In their own frustrating ways.
But despite all the bullshit,
you hold back the anger
the bitterness,
the resentment
and the intrusive thoughts,
and you come together and find a harmony and balance.
And most importantly you laugh.
For God’s sakes laugh at yourselves you bastards.
Why so serious?
For better or for worse, till death do you part remember?
So make the damn thing work okay,
Because you’re no longer just living for you remember that.
You have life to give.
They were never my saviours.
In the end,
I saved me.
