Frank said it best.
After having deleted my Instagram for over a year now, his quote continues to resonate in my mind.
I had had an epiphany a long time ago, where i realized that instagram has indirectly traumatized me through events in my life that would have never occurred to me, had i never been on the platform in the first place. It was sad that it took so long to come to such a realization, but after much back and forth, i told myself I would deactivate my instagram for a year then reactivate it after the year had completed to see what I would find.
I don’t remember the specific date, nor could I care less if you do or don’t believe me that i did it, I was busy living life, figuring shit out, being present, and certainly not giving a fuck about a specific date in my life that ultimately holds no weight in the grand schemathings.
But alas I did the year and I found that the app was still as cancerous as ever, and that the people on there are still indeed their own paparazzi and celebrity at the same damn time.
Shitty relationship advice, absurd memes, endless flexing, me me me, with the occasional social upheaval and protest to go along.
They all had the same look. Every last one of them. That same deadpan look of “oh my god look at me I’m on vacation!!” As if they are the main characters of their own stories and the subjects centred in or around them in their posts serving as the less interesting but still noteworthy backdrops to their stage called life.
It’s as if humans are all looking for a post to leave their mark behind on this lonely earth. They want to be remembered and affirmed that they were here. That their existence was not meaningless, but rather rich and full of life, materialistic or otherwise.
And you know what? I can’t knock on that.
Because nihilism nearly ruined me. It shifted my brain in ways I didn’t know possible.
So to see someone post their latest vacation photo or new car, or event they attended, or hell even the infamous money phone, doesn’t really phase me anymore.
Because I get it.
I’m the same way too.
I am human, just like the rest of them.
Despite my own introverted ways, I can still appreciate man’s search for meaning. I can still appreciate the attempt to affirm a life long lived.
Sure instagram may not be for me, but it doesn’t mean that I should hate on it just because its the easy thing to shit on.
That being said, of course the app isn’t perfect, it’s not without it’s share of problems. The mental health problems I truly believe stem from a lack of this perspective, of not seeing it the way i just explained.
If everyone knew what we all flexed for, to affirm our lives, then I think comparisons would no longer continue to be as painful.
The truth is, we all want to leave our mark behind. We are explorers by nature. Children at heart. We want to be here. We want to be acknowledged that we’ve been here.
That’s what we do it all for.
The kids. The car, the mortgage.
Legacy.
It takes on many forms.
Though the internet did indeed make anonymity cool and fame wack, I must contest Mr. Ocean on his statement by adding that the internet also made the affirmation of a lived life entirely possible, and that cannot fully be wack.
As for me, I think i will continue to happily sit by the sidelines and carry on living my own life the way i have been for a long time now.
Growing into the person I want to be, I’m less afraid of the spotlight, but I certainly know I wouldn’t always want it on me at all times.
I get light sensitivity every now and then.
